Letter to 2020
Tag: mpsn_fables
My Discombobulated Mind
<this post is courtesy a book I started reading, which is YA genre and I guess it's all about "being with friends & happy">
From the day I started reading this book (which is yesterday), my mind can’t keep calm. It reminds me my best of times with MY friends.
I want to crawl back into years of memories and relive those moments when I had “good” friends, when I was “happy” (sort of).
There was a time, when Family & Friends meant the same thing to me. And I loved the feeling I got when I met/talk/text/chat with a friend even if it’s late at night or super early. I used to graze all day at other things, to be present in the moment after the chaos of the day ends when I will interact with my friends (mostly it was post midnights). It was MY online friends that saved my soul from going into anything mildly related to depression or sadness. I found them, and I found SMILE 🙂
Yes, that was it, a community where we people were always smiling or helping each other to Smile.
Not only online friends, I had real physically present friends too. And time with them used to FLY out too.
When I joined in my Intership, it was New City, New Life for me. Being an introvert, has always been the biggest barrier for me to start on a friendship and reach a level. But I was BLESSED, because people came and we became friends.
The after office walks, or the auto rides made my insane day sane. The midnight walks in Mhada Hills (yes, I lived in a place which had hills and it was beautiful and very silent at nights). I loved walking alone, or with my friends and sometimes roommates.
All this stuff, and talks, and walks, and promises, and happiness just unravelled my mind once I started reading the book in context and I wish I could relive those times.
Because now, people are busy with office, or personal life. Some having kids, some planning for kids, some getting married, some already moved to new Country. In Short Living LIFE as an adult.
Want to add line’s of a hindi song, that keep coming to my mind at this hour..
mein aur meri tanhai aksar yeh baatein kiya karte hai.. ki tum hote toh aisa hota.. ki tum hote toh waisa hota…
Before starting to write all this, I have thought, and thought and thought and cried for the misfortune I have now.
Because for approx 2 years, I have a very HARD choice in thinking people as friends and getting stabbed by them, or not caring enough.
Being Me is very difficult, I trust people and they think it’s cool enough to not think about me or just ignore me. If it had been maybe 15 years ago, I would have been OK with it. But now, as the time pass I need people to know what I am to them, what are they to me. And be real for once.
It’s an odd time to post on blog, but I just wanted it out of my system. And it doesn’t even matter that this post has grammatical errors, or people may think “what does she wants to say”. I just wanted it OUT, ON THE ONLINE WORLD. To let the Universe know that I still CARE, I do, and all I need is just minutes of “my” friends day/night time to acknowledge that I EXIST.
It is ALL OKAY!
And ALL will be OKAY!
Keep Smiling..
With luv,
..mpsn..nehuu..
IT took, another one.
Saving Space for this POST. Thoughts are Too MANY right now. Will be posting contents soon. <updated on 22 June 2020>
It’s one week already, and my mind can’t wrap itself on the thought of a well known Actor Sushant Singh Rajput committing suicide due to his mental illness.
Though there are many speculations, & it can be a planned murder. But India has already lost one of very talented Actor on 14 June 2020. I have loved and praised him several times for his performances and it just hurts me, that we will not be able to see more of those now.
Last week when I saved this “space”, I was under the thoughts of how WE as an individual fails to acknowledge the simple thought that we are “LIVING”. This year, we humans have been thrown into many human made (may be) and natural disaster. Be it Corona, earthquakes, or floods, many of us have been surviving alone or with family.
This is exactly the time, when one can feel “alone” too, so PLEASE MAKE SURE TO ASK YOUR very near one’s or even the odd one’s if they are OKAY.
I myself have distanced myself from social media like whatsapp, instagram and my blog too. But this is only because I don’t want to get in the whirlwind of thoughts what others go. It is very necessary to understand what your MIND/mental state can take into, and it’s not a shame or shyness to accept it. But at the same time, I have connected with some of my old friends, from my graduation or my first online friends (10 years ago), or my first Flatmates in Mumbai. And it’s so good to hear from them how the time has treated them. Many married, have kids, moved places and lost loved ones (haven’t we all have!?)
This post was suppose to be TO LET YOU KNOW, that —>
It’s totally OKAY! if you want to take break from people (online/offline) because humans can be a very much reason for your mind not at peace.
It’s totally OKAY! if your mind breaks into pieces because after that there surely will be a masterpiece out of it.
It’s totally OKAY! to connect with friends after a loooong time, because that will surely give you happy memories you spent with them.
It’s totally OKAY! if your favorite pastime is not your favorite anymore, because that means you can look out for 1000th option to pass your time.
It’s totally OKAY! to be NOT Okay! Because it only makes us MORE HUMAN.
Just remember, to talk to one or more of your closed & near, dear ones. They give perspective to our unravelled thoughts, and they clear all the dusty air that keeps our mind always congested.
So BE HAPPY (alone or with someone)
BE HEALTHY (mentally and physically)
BE WEALTHY (not just with money, but people too)
——– Hope this post makes any sense, and help someone who needs this ——–Â
Take Care..
With Love & Warm Hugs,
-mpsn, nehuu..
to be, or not to be..
The question which encapsulates my mind the most.!
“to be, or not to be..”?
Being temporary away is easy and coming back is so very difficult (esp. for me). Because, it disturbs me to think there will be people who can question the disappearance, and if there is no one to question, it can disturb me more…
Being an introvert, is kind of running alone in the race and still praying not to win it. Because Winning will mean, there will be claps. *No we don’t want claps. Let us be in behind.*
Coming back means, you can have an extra tunnel to channel your creative/stupid mind. But it also means, to be more “interactive”. Because now-a-days it’s all about “being e-social” in social distance.
So this is my first step to be back, to my social media writing as well as bookstagram account. I am not sure, WHEN it will happen in proper. But MAY BE SOON!
If anyone reads this, here is to hoping that everything is well at your side in this pandemic. I wish you & your family well.
-mpsn, nehuu..
….nothing….
IÂ have been keeping out and suppressing my feeling on a matter that is very crucial in everyone’s LIFE.
We come crying, and when we leave we leave people crying. And I am not sure, if the life is worth living for this sadness.
I mean yaa sure, the cocktail of happiness and sadness is Life.. but what about when it ends ? Does it ever leave people behind any happiness? or they have to keep living with the HOPE that the person is in BETTER PLACE.
Well you know what is The Better Place for the deceased ?
Living with their near and dear ones.
Being part of the happiness, life give the new ones, and share the wisdom of being older.
Since last year, I have been in between sentimental turmoil for being around people who have lost their super near ones. It started November 2019 and since then I have read & many a time being part of the emotions we humans go thru.
My brother-in-law (jiju), lost his mother in November and I have been with my sister when they lost his father last year. And I was as heartbroken as my sister or jiju was.
My very very good friend from office, lost her dad in December and she was talking on phone to her dad when he stopped responding. I traveled to her home town to be with her, and stayed there for good amount of time to support & help her and family. Apparently she and her sister are married and both live outside India, so this was more than a setback what will her mother do about it. But aunty stayed strong, and said she will be living in same house for sometime and then think about what to do next.
Being in this turmoil since last year, I decided somewhere in later part of 2019 that I will be going to Jaipur Literature festival. To sooth myself from this sadness, and be around things I love. And in retrospect of it, I asked someone very CLOSE Book friend if they were going and how they were planning. Sadly the person never replied, but I was very strong in going to JLF 2020. So I planned out with my parents, to join me and they can have time spend in beautiful city and then we can visit Pushkar (a place from my childhood, that I simply love) & Bramhaji’s temple.
And all arrangements were made. And I was counting dates backward, for all the relief I will get in going out with my parents and to a place that will sooth me.
But as the date approached, exactly 4 days before I was planning to leave. My Nani (maternal grandmother) was admitted to ICU in a nearby hospital, as she was having trouble in taking breath. And she stayed in ICU 2 days, on 3rd day when they shifted her to general room I was totally broken about the Trip. I knew my mother will never let me cancel it, because I have been too much happy about the travel and everything. So on 3rd day I just without letting them know, cancelled the tickets. Come the 4th evening, my mom said come on start packing we will be leaving tomorrow morning. And I asked her, if she really wanted to go. even though it was a though situation for her, she said “woh ab theek hai, hum log wapis aa kar unko ghar pe milenge” (She is okay now, we will meet her at home once we are back). Then I told my parents that I had cancelled the trip already. They were pleased and sad about me. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS WAS ONE OF MY BEST DECISION IN LIFE.
Because on the day, we were about to traveled same night my nani got critical again and was shifted to ICU at 2am. She got shifted next day back to general ward.
I stayed with my nani at nights for 4 nights and even I am an insomniac there was something about hospital that forced me to sleep early than my regular time. But due to condition of nani a 24 alertness was required I had multiple coffee’s at night and came home in morning have a 1 1/2 hr sleep and join office.
I was so tired, and pissed that why no one else was asked to stay at night. But many of my cousins aren’t in India and those who are married with kids or just married so it left me and one of my cousin bro. But he got night shifts for office so all the burden was on me. Because not sleeping at night, and constantly talking to my nani, to massage on her head, rub her feet took lots of stamina and I didn’t want my aged aunties/uncle to go thru it.
And finally after consecutive 3 nights at hospital, my nani came back after 12 nights as doctors said she is okay but due to cold all the treatment they were giving in hospital can be continued in home too. My nani being a 88 years old kid, didn’t liked the idea of going back home because it meant my massi’s and everyone will stop coming to meet her. But before leaving hospital she made everyone promise to come and meet her like everyone did in hospital.
It was 2 days, she was back home and I went and met her on 2nd night at home and ask her how she was and all other questions. She was happy to see me, and we talked a lot. I and mom came back home around 11pm that night and my Maa was a bit disturbed (i wasn’t sure why). Next morning @ 6:15am we got call on our landline and as you can guess it was a call that broke our heart.
4th Feb 1990, 30 years ago we lost our Nanu(maternal grandfather), and on 4th Feb 2020, we lost out Nani(maternal grandmother)
We all were so numb about it, that we should be okay with this that our Nanu came to take our Nani and they were at THE HAPPY PLACE together. But what about us? Where is our happy place ? because people whom we love make our happy place and we just lost the oldest person we loved.
Another strange thing about all this was, what was supposed to be my Nani’s 89th Birthday we did her Kriya on 14th Feb 2020.
I wanted to write this post since 4th Feb 2020, BUT losing a family member isn’t easy and it will never get easy. Maa still unknowingly starts crying, and my dad couldn’t sleep at night that day and came to my mother and said that he lost his mother, as she was the only one since quiet some time now all we HAD.
Since the day, my nani got into hospital in ICU I had not for a second switched off lights in our Prayer room, and Maa finally switched it off on Brahman Bhoj saying she is at a good place now.
I am sure, that none will be reading this and I am writing it just to journalling my last few month’s into this post. But who made it till here, will surely be asking me. WHY TODAY I decided to write this. What actually triggered it.
Well it’s another death that happened in our neighborhood, the person was seriously ill and spend 20 days on Ventilator (those who don’t know what it is, it is the shittiest thing doctors can invent. I dislike this equipment so much, because I lost my grandfather due to this stupid machine. he wanted to say something, but alas this machine doesn’t give patient a chance to speak or do anything.)
Wondering again, if all this is worth it?
We study, We work, We eat, We Party, We Love, We Hate.
But all of this will lead all of us to ONE single STOP.
<this post is very very personal to me, as this post mentions the WORST fear I have.>
P.S. Grammar nazzi’s please stay out.
Her Life -.-
PC : @shainadaina
When midnight stucks, we find our vulnerable self sulking at same old stuff.
The people who left us, or may be forgot about us.
Our stupid mind, keep strumming those chords, of OLD TIMES.
and our eyes knows all our pain.
Heart, it can’t be seen by everyone. But eyes, ahh !!! By night crying, in morning all ready with mascara to Shine On !!
.
.
.
.
It was my birthday day before yesterday, and I still feel so SAD.
That one of my closest friend didn’t remember it !!!!!!
Its frustating, yaa he got married n got busy ??
Or may be the date just slipped by his mind ??
.
From others it doesn’t matter sometimes, but when people close too doesnt even remember, then we tend to ignore our birthday ourself too !!
And thats what I did 🙂 It was just an ORDINARY DAY, like other 364 days 🙂
Toothbrush (microtale) : DP Challenge
One night stands were his favorites,
until he found the one,
whom he can share his toothbrush stand with.
~mpsn
image credits : google
Postbacks entries by fellow bloggers :
toothbrush. #fiction #minifiction
https://frankprem.wordpress.com/2017/03/06/telephone-and-tabby/
https://hanzhen71317.wordpress.com/2017/08/01/grandmas-dentures/
Meddle : DP Challenge
Daily Prompt Word : Meddle
Her life was a shore,
thoughts meddled around like stones,
& her mind never kept silent.
Also read what others have to write on this word
https://zaenboca.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/fifteen-minutes-on-the-job/
https://bysarahwhiley.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/the-meddler/
https://manjusmusings.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/nabra/
https://sumyannawrites.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/i-dont-want-to-meddle-in-your-affairs-a-poem/
https://mimispassion.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/who-moved-my-cheese-4-min-read/
https://fluffypool.wordpress.com/2017/06/20/snapdragons-repost/
https://notestowomen.wordpress.com/2017/06/20/the-match-maker-2/
https://etpson.wordpress.com/2017/06/20/intimacy/
Trace : Lovers : DPChallenge
I know, I am a day behind to the actual days. May be someday, whenI get time I need to do two DP Prompts together.. ^_^
I loved this prompt Trace
Follow me up on IG @mpsn_fables, will follow up you back ^_^
-mpsn ^_^
Do read other entries for prompt, #pingback’s are always welcomed.
https://yoursuccessinspirer.com/2017/06/01/the-blame-game/
https://tinyfawns.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/when-you-wrote-the-love-song/
https://sarahscrazymindsite.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/the-battle-cry-of-the-seagulls/
https://runvagabound.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/tracing-an-error/comment-page-1/#comment-336
https://thoughtsofwordsblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/long-4-haikusenryu/
https://bysarahwhiley.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/hide-and-seek/
https://movingtowardsthelight.com/2017/05/31/secret-message/
https://ashcheyne.com/2017/06/01/the-narcissartist-song/
https://japanesewh1spers.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/1024/
https://kaliedoscopeofmylife.wordpress.com/2017/06/01/beautiful-skies/
https://playingwithwords.blog/2017/06/01/desperate-2/
Buff : DPChallenge
DPChallenge word for today is Buff
Not sure of what the word could mean, I searched up google. Came up with quite a definition. Here is my words on word Buff : that means Polish
The stone in question was rough,
all it needed was a buff.A precious stone everyone thought,
but I had it enough.I rubbed it with a cloth,
nothing precious & dropped it in a huff.Suddenly lights blinded me,
as the stone fell on my stuff.
Something blue came out from my trouser’s cuff.“Hello, I am Genie” , he said in a gruff.
I left stone in the cave
& ran outside because it was strangely enough.
Well after this, did I wake up from my dream ??
May be, May be not be..
I did look up for the rhyming words, and learned new words & meanings of some words.
Check other entries too , #pingback’s are appreciated 🙂
https://saigesstories.wordpress.com/2017/05/31/buff/
https://girlwritingcom.wordpress.com/2017/05/31/miss-ordinary/
THIS ONE IS FUNNY THOUGH : http://suziland.net/2017/05/decided-punish-wordpress-today/
https://focalbreeze.wordpress.com/2017/05/31/abundant-advice/
https://simonaprill.com/2017/05/31/buffing-the-soul/
https://swelltimesahead.blog/2017/05/30/in-the-buff/
https://thehouseofbailey.wordpress.com/2017/05/30/buff/
https://lifeontheskinnybranches.com/2017/05/30/wax-poetic/
https://whatrhymeswithstanza.com/2017/05/30/buff/
https://simpledimplesite.wordpress.com/2017/05/30/his-buffed-body/
https://danielspragueblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/30/an-enthusiast/
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