My Discombobulated Mind

<this post is courtesy a book I started reading, which is YA genre
and I guess it's all about "being with friends & happy">

From the day I started reading this book (which is yesterday), my mind can’t keep calm. It reminds me my best of times with MY friends.
I want to crawl back into years of memories and relive those moments when I had “good” friends, when I was “happy” (sort of).

There was a time, when Family & Friends meant the same thing to me. And I loved the feeling I got when I met/talk/text/chat with a friend even if it’s late at night or super early. I used to graze all day at other things, to be present in the moment after the chaos of the day ends when I will interact with my friends (mostly it was post midnights). It was MY online friends that saved my soul from going into anything mildly related to depression or sadness. I found them, and I found SMILE 🙂
Yes, that was it, a community where we people were always smiling or helping each other to Smile.

Not only online friends, I had real physically present friends too. And time with them used to FLY out too.

When I joined in my Intership, it was New City, New Life for me. Being an introvert, has always been the biggest barrier for me to start on a friendship and reach a level. But I was BLESSED, because people came and we became friends.

The after office walks, or the auto rides made my insane day sane. The midnight walks in Mhada Hills (yes, I lived in a place which had hills and it was beautiful and very silent at nights). I loved walking alone, or with my friends and sometimes roommates.

All this stuff, and talks, and walks, and promises, and happiness just unravelled my mind once I started reading the book in context and I wish I could relive those times.

Because now, people are busy with office, or personal life. Some having kids, some planning for kids, some getting married, some already moved to new Country. In Short Living LIFE as an adult.

Want to add line’s of a hindi song, that keep coming to my mind at this hour..

mein aur meri tanhai aksar yeh baatein kiya karte hai.. ki tum hote toh aisa hota.. ki tum hote toh waisa hota…

Before starting to write all this, I have thought, and thought and thought and cried for the misfortune I have now.
Because for approx 2 years, I have a very HARD choice in thinking people as friends and getting stabbed by them, or not caring enough.
Being Me is very difficult, I trust people and they think it’s cool enough to not think about me or just ignore me. If it had been maybe 15 years ago, I would have been OK with it. But now, as the time pass I need people to know what I am to them, what are they to me. And be real for once.

It’s an odd time to post on blog, but I just wanted it out of my system. And it doesn’t even matter that this post has grammatical errors, or people may think “what does she wants to say”. I just wanted it OUT, ON THE ONLINE WORLD. To let the Universe know that I still CARE, I do, and all I need is just minutes of “my” friends day/night time to acknowledge that I EXIST.

It is ALL OKAY!
And ALL will be OKAY!

Keep Smiling..
With luv,
..mpsn..nehuu..